Walking in the Valley with Jesus
I am learning to accept...pain. I want to be happy and if I’ll be happy and well all the time, I will. Who’s with me? Every normal being, right? But then, I can’t control life. In this moment, I’m learning an unfamiliar ground. A ground where there is a light, His name is Jesus, but the ground is in the valley.
I was depressed and burned out before knowing Jesus. I’ve been attending a Christian church for around two years, “casually”, what I mean by that is I join from time to time primarily out of curiosity and out of a thirst for a crowd change. Something new... somehow I didn't give much thought about the whole thing...why I was going or what their faith meant.
One Night in 2012
Few months had past since my college graduation. I was contemplating what move to take next. At the same time, I continued to wake up with this great feeling of depression everyday. I wonder what could be the source of this feeling. There were no deadlines, no courses to pass, no boyfriends to blame and no enemies to point fingers at. Almost everything seems to be going good in my life.
I found myself watching stories online of people getting out of whatever darkness they were in by coming to Jesus. This time, unlike the other countless times I've sat through people that shared their testimonies at church, I paid extra attention.
I accepted Jesus in my life. The next morning when I woke up, that awful feeling I’ve had for years, was gone. I knew...He healed me. Soon after, I started attending Bible studies at night and then I would review my notes as I get home. From there, layers upon layers were worked out in my heart. At night, in my bedroom, it felt as if God was teaching me Himself the things I needed to learn at that time.
And blessings came pouring down. Honestly, when the blessings came one after another, I’ve already reached a point in my heart where I already felt content. I was happy with the blessings but I didn’t depend on it.
IN THE VALLEY
God’s love and blessings kept pouring and I’m a happy camper. There were challenges, but all is good. Until something devastating happened brought about a major mistake on my part. My faith was shaken. After doubting, questioning and unrest, I finally prayed for healing. Unlike the previous time, the healing didn’t come in one waking moment.
This time, He healed me slowly.
As I heal from the past, there were still some “issues” in the present. As I gain some victories in other areas of my life, there were still some “thorns in the flesh”. I feel like, I’m still walking in a dark valley, only this time my faith is being restored, that is the only good thing I could see. He can heal me immediately but He chose to do it slowly. He could say the word and my situation can definitely change now, and yet, I’m still here, there must be a reason.
I’m quoting Tauren Wells for the second time in this blog now, in his song 'Hills and Valleys', it says… "if I’m standing on the mountaintop, didn’t get there on my own. If I’m walking in the valley, I am not alone. You're God of the Hills and Valleys" ... "Father you give and take away."
My situation still feels like being in the valley or maybe the change will come slowly too. But in every song and Word I receive from Him, it is almost always a testament of His love for me. Maybe this is how it feels when the psalmist said this,
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me."
- Psalm 23:4 (ESV)
He is Sovereign.
He is in control. Sometimes it does feel like He forgot about me or He is ignoring me. Over and over despite how I FEEL, He has been assuring me THAT HE LOVES ME. I am learning this new place. A place where circumstances seem dim and this constant choice to trust and depend on His love is what alone sustains me on each and every step I take.
It's not easy but at the same time He always re-assures me of His love.
I STILL SAY, "IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL".